Chapter 35: That Lifetime of Emotional Ties (2)

Why was she said to be insane? Those who knew the truth and sent her back from the troupe revealed a matter to a few people in the village, and gradually this matter spread through dozens of surrounding villages.

It was only because Li Fengxian became obsessed through opera that she fell in love with the male-role performer who acted alongside her, the one who played Sima Xiangru in Feng Qiu Huang.

But Sima Xiangru was a girl!

Although that girl, in private, carried a bold spirit, with heroic brows and eyes and a strikingly handsome masculine charm, she was still a girl.

But this did not stop Li Fengxian’s infatuation. She was deeply, hopelessly in love with the girl named Yu Xiaohong. As for whether it was Li Fengxian’s devotion that moved Yu Xiaohong, or whether Yu Xiaohong herself also became consumed by opera, in any case she accepted Li Fengxian’s feelings, and the two became lovers.

That was a period of lingering affection. The two ate together, lived together, and performed on the same stage. Li Fengxian was like the most dutiful wife, while Yu Xiaohong was like the husband who cherished his wife.

The two could no longer distinguish reality from performance. Opera was like life, and life was like opera.

Li Fengxian believed that she would ultimately spend her entire life with Yu Xiaohong like this, supporting each other and growing old together.

But what kind of era was that? A troupe was not a paradise. It could not give them lifelong protection. Not only had their affair already spread wildly within the troupe and been suppressed by the troupe owner, it had also spread throughout the city where the troupe performed, since the two were already somewhat famous performers.

If outside rumors could still be endured, what Li Fengxian could not endure was that Yu Xiaohong’s family stormed into the troupe, denounced their scandal, and forced Yu Xiaohong to marry.

In truth, the denunciation was only the surface matter. The real issue was that a powerful patron had taken a liking to Yu Xiaohong and wanted to take her as a concubine. It was said that this man was a high-ranking official.

And he especially loved women with a heroic bearing.

The Yu family naturally could not refuse such generous conditions, and so they came to demand her.

Yu Xiaohong was initially resolute. She wanted to stay with Li Fengxian. But in this bleak and chaotic world, where could it shelter a love that was never blessed by society?

Even the troupe owner who sympathized with them, and some of the performers, were powerless. The man who had taken a liking to Yu Xiaohong was a high-ranking official. How could a small troupe contend with such a person? Moreover, they could neither marry them openly nor provide a lawful lifelong bond. What standing did they have?

Pressure grew heavier and heavier. In the end, Yu Xiaohong’s second brother came crying and pleading at their door, and everything changed.

Yu Xiaohong had practically grown up on her second brother’s back. The family had many children, and their parents could not take care of them all. It was her second brother who carried her while chopping firewood in the mountains and plowing the fields.

The pressure from that high-ranking official was undeniable. Whether Yu Xiaohong married or not would determine whether the Yu family went to heaven or hell.

Is there any way in the world to have both, to be loyal to Buddha and to the beloved?

Who knows if such a way exists. But for Yu Xiaohong and Li Fengxian, there was none.

Yu Xiaohong decided to marry. On that day, Li Fengxian tried to hang herself. She was saved by the troupe owner and Yu Xiaohong.

The two inevitably cried bitterly again, swearing vows that could no longer be spoken, which only made the heartbreak even more piercing. Under Yu Xiaohong’s gentle persuasion, Li Fengxian seemed to recover somewhat. At least a faint smile returned to her pale face. The two became even more affectionate, even more cherishing, and lived out their remaining time together in even deeper sorrow.

This was truly a case where heaven does not grow old, but love is hard to sever, the heart is like twin threads twisted into a knot with thousands of tangles.

With such feelings, such years, such knots, how could Li Fengxian ever untie them?

The day of Yu Xiaohong’s wedding finally arrived, and they parted.

On that day, Li Fengxian was extremely calm. She carefully applied makeup and dressed in her most beautiful clothes. Even though she was already a grown woman, her beauty still struck people deeply.

“My good day, how could I not dress beautifully to send her off?” she said, as if she had already come to terms with everything.

That day’s wedding was extremely lively. The streets were packed with crowds watching the wealthy household welcome the bride. The high-ranking official, satisfied with the outcome, was extremely generous and even ordered sweets to be scattered along the streets, creating an atmosphere of extraordinary celebration.

Li Fengxian appeared at the front of the wedding procession. In that red bridal sedan, the person she loved most in her life was seated.

“I am but a lonely shadow bound to this world. Why can we live together but not die together? Yu Xiaohong, I, Li Fengxian, am willing to live and die with you. Take this life if you must. I do not wish to fail you in this life, but even less do I wish for you to fail me.”

As she spoke, Li Fengxian took out a pair of scissors, about to stab them into her chest, but was seized by soldiers on both sides. They were the escort guards of that high-ranking official’s wedding procession.

The procession continued. The joyful sound of the suona drowned out Li Fengxian’s sorrow. There was no movement inside the sedan. No one knew what Yu Xiaohong was thinking.

Li Fengxian was detained for two days and sent back to the troupe. In the troupe, she became silent, excessively silent, refusing to eat, drink, or even sleep. There was no trace left of a celebrated performer.

There is never a shortage of lovers driven mad by emotion in this world, nor of people who fall into dead ends because of love. Li Fengxian was one of them.

The troupe owner no longer dared keep her. Though full of pity, there was nothing he could do. Sending her back to her family might be better. And so Li Fengxian was sent back to the village.

Before leaving, she only said softly: “After parting in desolation, both hearts should be the same, especially unable to endure resentment under the bright moon.”

Everything in the troupe was buried. What remained were only the sorrowful poems inevitably encountered in the life of a dan role performer, like a requiem for her and Yu Xiaohong.

After being sent home, Li Fengxian did not improve. She grew increasingly haggard. In her later years, the drunkard Li, who had once been irresponsible, finally began to feel heartache for his daughter. The only reason Li Fengxian survived was because he knelt and begged her to eat.

But at this time, rumors in the village spread widely. Many people still held grudges from when she had rejected marriage proposals, and all kinds of ugly words came from all directions.

Her stepmother could no longer endure it and began smashing tables and bowls at home. Her two younger brothers working in town also heard the rumors and developed resentment. Eventually, under unbearable pressure, the stepmother hurled all the vicious rumors at Li Fengxian.

Rumors can kill. People often fail to see through them or let go of them. How many can treat them lightly and laugh them off?

Li Fengxian could not. She was too fragile, living in the unreal world of the troupe. Her endurance was even worse than that of ordinary people.

On a rainy day, she ran barefoot out of the house and onto the largest drying field in the village.

Li Fengxian ran there, and she also died there. That day she was mad, crying and laughing wildly in the rain, even singing opera. Her mournful posture made the villagers feel guilty.

Hua la la. The rain poured down, and more and more villagers gathered, filled with guilt. For some reason, no one dared to stop the mad Li Fengxian, because although she was insane at that moment, she carried a presence that made her seem untouchable.

“Fengxian, Fengxian...” the drunkard Li ran over from afar.

Li Fengxian turned back and looked at the drunkard Li running in the rain. A tear, or perhaps rainwater, slid down her cheek.

“What did I do wrong? Tell me, what did I do wrong? I do not steal, I do not rob, I am not lustful or greedy. I am filial, and I remember kindness. I ask you all, what is wrong with me loving a woman? Why must I be met with such vicious words from everyone?”

She pointed at the surrounding villagers, questioning them one by one. No one answered. Every face was filled with guilt.

“Why? Why did you separate us? Where exactly was I wrong?”

She raised her head and cried out toward the sky.

At that moment, someone in the crowd shouted that something was wrong and rushed forward. But it was too late. Li Fengxian had already driven a pair of scissors, polished to a bright shine, into her own chest, then collapsed.

“Fengxian, Fengxian...” the drunkard Li pushed through the crowd, holding his daughter’s body and crying out to the sky. The rain seemed as if it would never stop.

“I was only a teenager at the time. I saw it with my own eyes. Li Fengxian bled so much, so much blood, it dyed a large stretch of the field red. People in the village said she intended to die. Otherwise, how could those scissors have been polished so brightly? And how much strength and resolve would it take to drive them into her own chest?” the old woman said with a long sigh.