Chapter 83

The late-night snack was beef noodles.

Chí Tuò had been looking forward to this day for a long time. The night before, he had boiled a pot of beef shank in the middle of the night after coming home from the airport, using his uncle's recipe from his noodle shop. He added some spice to suit Ān Yě's taste.

The beef soup, with the oil skimmed off, contained crisp, tender bok choy and thin slices of braised beef. There wasn’t much noodles, and Ān Yě had only picked a few bites before seeing the bottom of the bowl. Chí Tuò noticed her nibbling on the chopsticks, and then, he picked up another bite from his bowl and offered it to her.

The night was quiet. Chí Tuò hadn’t fully sobered up. After drinking a bowl of beef soup, his stomach felt a bit better, but he still couldn’t stop staring at Ān Yě as she ate.

She ate slowly but with great concentration, not even looking up, a fine layer of sweat forming on her forehead. While he had been busy in the kitchen, she had already taken a shower, and now, she was wearing a pair of tank-top shorts that could last a lifetime. The thin straps rested on her collarbone, and the shadow of her collarbone shimmered with tiny droplets of sweat, glistening under the light.

This scene, Chí Tuò had longed for over the past ten years.

The alcohol started rising again, and he coughed lightly, suddenly feeling like stepping outside for a smoke to calm down.

After Ān Yě said she would give it a try, it seemed like this was the first time he truly felt the sense of two unmarried people alone together. She had finished shooting her movie, and he had taken the day off tomorrow to accompany her. From now until tomorrow afternoon, they had nothing planned and could spend the whole day together.

The previous intimate moments had all been initiated by Ān Yě. She was curious about emotions, perhaps because of her career as an actress. Every time she made the first move, it seemed to be a test of her curiosity about human emotions, or simply a desire to do something in that moment.

This fool, who had spent the past ten years focused only on acting, knew nothing about real emotions.

She didn’t understand what kind of obsession a man could have for a woman he had liked for over a decade.

He regretted that during the wrap party tonight, he had been distracted by Ān Yě's sunflower expression, and didn’t notice that the person at the same table was pouring him strong liquor, a drink he had mixed himself, which he ended up gulping down half a glass.

His already fragile self-control was now barely visible.

A loud bang came from next door, startling Ān Yě, who was focused on chewing her beef.

"The neighbors…" Chí Tuò surprisingly felt a bit relieved, as the dissonant sound covered up the chaotic thoughts in his head. "It’s probably a young couple, going through the adjustment period."

Ān Yě stared blankly.

Another loud bang.

Voices, a man and a woman, speaking loudly, could be heard faintly, though unclear. The sounds were rhythmic, with the loud bangs following a regular pattern.

"They’ll stop after four or five sounds," Chí Tuò explained. "I’ve confirmed it before. It’s not domestic violence. Every half month, they’ll fight, but the next morning, they’ll still be holding hands when they leave…”

He didn’t even know what he was saying.

Ān Yě swallowed the beef and gave him a speechless look: "...You’re quite the gossip."

"Mm." Chí Tuò nodded and continued sharing his gossip. "The guy next door looks fierce. At first, I thought it was domestic violence and called the police. But when the door opened, the couple was hugging. They said it’s a long-distance marriage, and when they finally meet, their emotions run high…"

Ān Yě: "…What?"

"Yeah, later, I bought them a box of fruit to apologize." Chí Tuò concluded, "The couple's not bad."

As if to verify Chí Tuò's words, there was another loud bang, and then, laughter could be heard.

The sound gradually quieted down, and soon after, it couldn’t be heard at all.

Ān Yě remained focused on eating her noodles. Half an hour had passed, and there was still bok choy and beef floating in her small noodle bowl.

After Chí Tuò finished sharing his neighbor's gossip, he grew quiet again, leaning back in his chair, watching her.

Actually, she could sense that the atmosphere tonight was a little off.Chí Tuò was definitely drunk, but not so much that he lost his senses. He had already sobered up quite a bit on the ride back, and after drinking a bowl of steaming beef soup, his complexion improved a lot.

Their interactions were actually just like every other day, very ordinary.

But Ān Yě kept staring at the piece of vegetable in her bowl that she couldn’t seem to pick up.

She felt inexplicably nervous, her hands shaking slightly.

"You..." She finally couldn't hold it in any longer, "After you're done eating, go take a shower. Don’t soak in the bath after drinking, and don’t turn the water temperature too high."

Chí Tuò remained seated and didn’t move.

It was an ordinary day, but that sense of comfort, the feeling of being with family, was gone.

He just sat there, and Ān Yě couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

She put down her chopsticks and glared at him.

Chí Tuò sighed, stood up, and cleared away his dishes. Then, he sluggishly went to the bedroom.

Ān Yě stared at the beef in her bowl. After half a minute, Chí Tuò came back out, knocked on the dining table.

Ān Yě looked up at him.

He said, "Tonight, you sleep in your own room. I might not be able to hold back."

Ān Yě: "..."

After he spoke, he rubbed her messy hair and stumbled back into the bedroom.

"Why?" Ān Yě asked just before he entered the room.

Chí Tuò sighed, "Because you're still scared."

Ān Yě turned to look at him, a hint of confusion in her eyes.

"When we kissed for the first time, you held your breath," Chí Tuò continued, "And after that, every time we kissed, you’d open your eyes in the middle to check."

"And that time..." He paused, "The time in the bathroom, you were scared then too."

Ān Yě bit her lip and didn’t speak.

"I'm not in a rush," Chí Tuò said, smiling at her, "But today, it’s a little hard to bear."

Since the moment Ān Yě sent that sunflower photo in the crowd, a nameless flame had been burning in his heart.

Before reuniting with Ān Jiǔ, he had been anxious many times.

The actress, Ān Yě, who lived under the spotlight, had an unclear face. He couldn’t see her true emotions; all he could do was watch her appear on the big screen again and again, playing various lives and looking for the real joy, anger, and sorrow that might be hidden behind her roles.

He didn’t know how much Ān Jiǔ had changed in the process of becoming Ān Yě.

How cruel the world of adults was, they had already experienced it when they were still minors. In such a place as the entertainment industry, Chí Tuò had no idea what kind of person Ān Yě would turn out to be.

But after their reunion, Chí Tuò realized that Ān Jiǔ hadn’t changed at all. He could clearly see how much she had sacrificed to keep her original self.

At the moment of the wrap party, in the swirling crowd, Ān Yě, who hadn’t fully broken out of character yet, held the sunflower in her arms, stiffly accepting brief hugs from others. The tension was so strong that the people who came after dared not get close to her.

At that moment, Chí Tuò wanted to go up and hug her.But Ān Yě just quietly watched the crowd, taking off a sunflower and giving it to the first actor who patted her on the shoulder and spoke to her.

Next, it was the second one, then the third.

Like sending blessings, sincere and passionate.

Such a good Ān Jiǔ had, over these ten years, described herself as a troublesome actress, saying she could do nothing but act, that happiness made her anxious, and even kissing, she had to hold onto his clothes to confirm.

Every time after their reunion, when she reached out with tentative touches that would then pull back, he couldn’t help but feel heartache. Today, at the wrap party, that moment almost got out of control.

But he knew clearly, now wasn’t the time, it wasn’t right.

Ān Jiǔ needed gradual, steady everyday security, not impulsive sexual desires, not an abstract, illusory concept of love that neither of them believed in.

At that moment, Chí Tuò actually felt some self-disgust. His male physiology triggered a possessive instinct, followed by a primitive urge he couldn't control. This feeling made him awkward and clouded his judgment.

For example, he didn’t understand why there was confusion in Ān Yě’s eyes at that moment.

"I’m going to take a shower," Chí Tuò finally decided to escape. He didn’t have the self-control to discuss her confusion while intoxicated with a lone woman in the late hours of the night, especially with her spaghetti strap top that might fall off.

Leaving Ān Yě alone, biting her chopsticks, her head tilted, thinking for a long time in the living room.

Ān Yě thought, Chí Tuò was overthinking.

Maybe that’s how top students are. A single question in their mind branches into countless extensions. The things he cares about the most, he overcomplicates.

Ān Yě wasn’t that complicated.

From the beginning, she didn’t feel there was anything to endure. The moments of resistance were just because she wasn’t used to intimate contact. The warmth of the body, the temperature of the physical touch, felt strange to her.

She wasn’t used to it, but she didn’t dislike it.

Ān Yě picked out the last piece of vegetable, thought for a moment, then decided not to drink the soup. She stood up and cleared her own bowl and chopsticks.

Chí Tuò had been in the bathroom for half an hour.

Ān Yě stared at Old Bai.

She realized that although Chí Tuò was overthinking, the feeling that she was the one in control of the pace gave her an unexpected sense of security.

Tonight, she would sleep in her own room. Chí Tuò wouldn’t say another word. Tomorrow morning, they’d still be having breakfast and chatting casually.

If she barged into Chí Tuò’s room now, tomorrow morning, they would still have breakfast and chat casually.

Ān Yě tilted her head again.

Old Bai blinked at her, and she bared her teeth at Old Bai.

Since nothing would change, she suddenly wanted to try it.

So she tiptoed and pushed open Chí Tuò’s bedroom door.

The room was quite dark. The light from the bathroom could be seen through the crack of the door, and there was still the sound of water from the bathroom.

Ān Yě glanced at the bed, then at the bathroom.She thought to herself, has she been acting for so long that she couldn’t tell reality from acting, so she’s become rebellious?

As she thought, she twisted the bathroom doorknob. The door wasn’t locked. Chí Tuò still didn’t have a clear understanding of how far she could go.

Ān Yě curled up one side of her mouth and made a "shh" gesture to Old Bai, then quietly opened the bathroom door and slipped inside barefoot.

Chí Tuò was in the shower, steam rising, and she could only see a blurry silhouette. She could see his forehead pressed against the wall, faint heavy breathing filling the space.

There was also the cold, aggressive scent that Ān Yě had already started to recognize on Chí Tuò, now mixed with the sticky humidity.

Ān Yě’s face suddenly flushed, feeling thirsty. She licked her lips.

She took a step forward, the bathroom floor damp, the warmth from the steam surrounding her. Ān Yě licked her lips again.

She began to have more practical thoughts, like whether standing still and waiting for Chí Tuò to turn around and see her might make him die of shock.

Actually, she came in to say, “You’re not enduring anything, you’re just scaring the life out of him.”

And also, it didn’t seem like this was the right time to come in.

Half an hour had passed...

The way he was positioned and his breathing...

He probably wouldn’t die of fright, but maybe lose his... enthusiasm.

Ān Jiǔ, you truly are a sinner with your spontaneous ideas.

Ān Yě silently took a step back, and as she touched the bathroom door handle, her mind was in such a mess that she subconsciously used the method she used to open the door at her old house. Her old bathroom door used to be a sliding door.

She pulled the door handle to the left, which was supposed to be for pushing it inward.

The door that had been slightly ajar clicked and shut.

Ān Yě: "…"

Without the steam clouding the view, she could now clearly see that Chí Tuò had completely frozen in place.

“I...” Ān Yě’s voice was hoarse. “You... continue.”